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Viele sterben zu spät und einige sterben zu früh1
      Friedrich Nietzsche; Also sprach Zarathustra
…and Nietzsche was no devil2, like Hugo was – indeed - no (demi-)God…
Perhaps because I met him for the first time, July 2004, in my appartment in Amsterdam, in a – for him – ‘strange’ environment – surrounded by people he didn’t know – I saw another Hugo: a bit uncertain, even shy, if not surrounded by well-known people or friends almost worshipping him…
To ‘acclimatize’, he started helping doing the dishes in the kitchen, to enable him to mingle afterwards with the bunch of guests sitting in the living room. Of course he had no problem adapting: after an hour or so he was telling some of his famous stories and he already felt at ease.
When I told my ‘oldest’ (high school-) friend that Hugo died in an accident, she reacted immediately saying: “how awful, I still remember how we laughed that evening in Amsterdam, when we discovered that almost all of your friends present had one or more jewish (grand-)parent, like Hugo…†And indeed, I only realized it that evening. Beside a Schwarz, there was a De Miranda, and a Jacobs, a Bosboom, a Bierman, a Stibbe: all jewish names. And this is no coincidence, since I like very much the jewish sense of (morbid) humour. Well, my partner Paul choose to be friends with Hugo, so in this sense his presence was a coincidence… And it was even more a coincidence since we only were expecting him a week later, Hugo having mixed up in his e-mail the date of arrival and departure. Lucky for us: we were very happy to have him at our little party; the first Paul and I threw together.Â
I liked Hugo for not bragging about his achievements as an astronomer and his jobs; as Paul already pointed out he was loyal, also to his old friends who were not so successful and rather poor.Â
We were lucky enough to be able to visit Hugo and Claudia in February 2005 at La Palma, and to welcome them in our house in Heiloo in September last year: their trip to Holland was almost a honymoon for them, and they were very lucky with the weather; September was exceptionally sunny and warm after one month of pouring rain. We had a party in the garden as if it was midsummer. I remember Hugo making a joke about it: ‘now Claudia thinks the weather in Holland is like this all the time’…One of the things Hugo and Claudia did was a bikingtour to visit places of Hugo’s youth, amongst other places Hugo’s ‘high school’, the Murmellius, where Hugo met Paul. As if he knew…..
When we heard that Hugo died, the message at first didn’t get through. It was too absurd to grasp. Just two and a half months after having stayed for nine days with Hugo, Claudia, Diego and Josefina in La Serena, where we felt very welcome and had a wonderful time. Paul returning to Chile after twenty years. As if we knew….. â€Misschien heeft het zo moeten zijn.â€Â
It was a miracle that we managed to ‘squeeze’ those nine days in La Serena into our holiday, exactly in a way that it matched up with Hugo and Claudia’s trip to La Palma (they left the same day, some hours after us, the 2nd of August).
Our holiday didn’t end very well (in Brasil) , we were ‘recovering’ from that experience untill the 20th of October, the next day (for me the first day of a one-week holiday) we heard that Hugo had been ‘blown away’ in a split of a second, …and we were devastated….
We feel the pain every day, for his brother and sister-in-law, the four children and for all his friends, but especially for Claudia.Â
We feel privileged having spent this ‘quality time’ with them so shortly before Hugo’s death, but at the same time it throws a shade over that (lovely) period.
The two of us have problems getting it into our systems, speaking for myself I am really in rebellion against this sudden death, too soon, too unexpected, too harsh, in one word: absurd.
And then it suddenly hit me: I also liked Hugo because he had a bit of my fathers character (and who also died a sudden, violent death); inside rather vulnerable and sensitive, but looking somewhat tough from the outside, always making jokes and having fun as an anti-dote against the ‘dark-side’ of life, having preserved the spontanity and playfulness of a child and the ability of enjoying the beauty of things; he was also born under the sign of Gemini……
And, like Hugo, living his life as if death was not inevitably at the end of the road.
Puisque la mort est inévitable, oublions-la3, said the author Stendhal. Unfortunelately, death always catches up with you…
Leaving behind a ‘deafening silence’, ‘een oorverdovende stilte ‘.
I wish to repeat here what I said to Claudia: she, or whoever wants to share his or her feelings and/or, being in great distress, wants to express his or her pain: don’t hesitate to get in touch, by e-mail or by phone, no matter what time it is. Paul is not so talkative, but he is a good listener, and I think I can be of some comfort to grieving people, having experienced (complicated) bereavement.
Wishing all the love and comfort and strength to Claudia and whomever needs it and will need it in the future,
Annemarie van Tilburg, Heiloo, the Netherlands, November 2006
(amariavtil@quicknet.nl phone: +31725320061)
1 A lot of people die too late and only a few die too soon
2 his sister, married to a nazi, completely distorted his philosophy
3 Because death is inevitably, let’s forget about it
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